remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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