so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
