this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
