Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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