Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
