I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
