What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
