Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
