So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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