I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
