i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
