I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
