I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
