Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
