Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
