I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
