shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
