I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
