come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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