her vagine was all disorganized.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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