whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
