I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
