her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
