have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
