put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
false alarm. still invincible.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
