smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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