Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
