I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
