Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
