i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
