we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
