i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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