i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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