I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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