Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
