Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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