I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
