Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
