i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
