Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
