You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
