Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
