Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
