**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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