Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
