Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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