yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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