I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
