i already hear my dad disowning me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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