Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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