he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
