So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm passing your future prison.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He shit in the fireplace
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
