i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
