I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
