So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
