Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
