bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
