I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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