That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
